Some, they say,
will reach for silver,
While others strive for gold.
Let's just hope you
try for something
before you get too old.
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You can paint
your eyelids blue,
Draw black upon your lips.
But looking weird
will never take
Cellulite from hips.
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May your days in deserts be called short.
May your battles soon be won.
For you look so silly on that mount,
We all are poking fun.
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I ached when I didn't hear from you.
I searched with building dread.
But I felt much better, dear,
When I learned that you were dead.
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I used to wish you evil,
That you'd go straight to hell.
But now you're there,
I have to say,
I wish you worse as well.
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You may be sleek and shiny,
Your heart so pure and brave,
But when your breath's so stinky,
You're just a dirty knave.
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You,ve always wanted power.
You've prayed for sheer brute strength.
Now you're getting what you wanted
But it,ll never give you length.
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Once I had a mighty dagger
Its blade was sure and sharp.
I lost that dagger years ago
When I shoved it through your heart.
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May your motto be
to know thyself.
May you understand
its meaning.
Because you have always
been a witch
Bossy and demeaning.
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May your trusty shield
be strong and sure.
May your valiant
sword be true.
For I have cast an
evil spell
Where a gryffin shits on you.
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May your jokes make
people belly laugh
May your stories make
folk merry.
But stay away from girls,
my dear,
For tis true, you are a fairy.
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May you fight for love with honor.
May your strength be raw and brute.
But may you show a little sooner,
Timing's not your strongest suit.
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May your battles
all be righteous.
May your aim,
with honor, hit.
Because it's clear
to one and all
You're simply full of shit.
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May you avoid the
demon in his hall
May you miss his evil roars.
But never mock his ugly face
For it looks a lot like yours.
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May your heart be
filled with piety.
May repentance be sincere.
And may the dragon
sieze your assets
only once a year.
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May you never cry
if you have fallen.
May you never sigh
if all seems done.
And may you always
break the bastard's
spear when you have won.
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